i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
