One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
