Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
