I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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