In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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