Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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