So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize