I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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