Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
