My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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