I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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