If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
