If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize