Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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