Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're like the curious george of whores
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
