Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
