hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
try to milk me bitch
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