Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
