I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm at about main and main street
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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