i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
