I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
