best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
