I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Terrible idea I love it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
