U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
