We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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