I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize