Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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