It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
