I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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