Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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