i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
