Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
