Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize