just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry about my life...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
