i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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