Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
