I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
