Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
