I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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