You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
