I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
