my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
