One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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