I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
