I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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