I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
