Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
