Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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