You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
