p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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