Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
