She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
