By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have already put on my inside pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
