I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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