I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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