my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
