I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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