If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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