when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
