Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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