I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think people are normalizing furries
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
