guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize