I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
