how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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