I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
