you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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