we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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