guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
