fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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