You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
