All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
