it's too hot outside to masturbate.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
