K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
