I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize