dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
