Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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