So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
