Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
