also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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