my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
