I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
