Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
