Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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