burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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