P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
