They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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