I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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