Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
