Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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