MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
