An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
