So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
