I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
