Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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