Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize