So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
