So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
