i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
