wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
