Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
