i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
