So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
