go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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