i just sent this text using only my big toe
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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