onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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