I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
