Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
