fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
