just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize