Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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