So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
