i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
